Life Getting Attention from Life -Dr. Rob McKenna

I recently read a quote from an interview with the great poet William Stafford.  It said, “It’s a confirming, satisfying activity to do.  And it’s almost devotional.  Maybe that’s too strong, but it’s as if a day of my life deserves a little attention from life. It’s my kind of attention to stop long enough, to let the evaluative, the speculative, the exploratory impulses that are native to that portion of my time be manifest in a sustained way so that I can recognize them and get sustenance from them.” 

While the honest truth is that I struggled to understand a lot of poetry when I was in junior high and high school, this comment from ol’ Bill Stafford got me thinking, as does his poetry.  Whether we are writers, poets, electricians, leaders, students, musicians, baristas, businesspeople, pastors, parents, or engineers, this makes sense.  Is it possible that the real stuff of your life, the challenges you face at home and at work or even the most mundane things, could be important enough for you to spend a little bit of that life being intentionally reflective about that life? And, is it possible that giving a little bit of time to actually reflect would help you get it done, be more present, deal with adversity, and find hope in the midst of the real and present challenges of life.

So, here’s a way to measure the extent to which your “life is getting attention from life.”

1. Have you documented a list of goals that you want to achieve in the next year including work goals, personal goals, family goals, and spiritual goals?  What other categories would you include?
2. Do you make space every day that is away from the noise of life?
3. Do you have a vision for who you are becoming….that you could tell someone right now, if asked?
4.   Do you know what you want?  What kind of job, family, friends, community, and life?

You don’t have to have all of these answers, but the fact is that if you make the space to think about it, it will make you more interesting and purposeful, and probably a better parent, leader, and person.

The Moment that Changed You Forever – Dr. Paul Yost

Everyone has pivotal moments in their lives. In my sophomore year of college, my college advisor connected me with a professor in the business school who had a degree in industrial/organizational psychology, a new career direction that I was pretty sure was the one for me. I met with this professor and twenty minutes into the meeting he commented, “What you really need is an internship – just a minute.” He turned around, picked up the phone, talked for a few minutes, and then handed the phone to me. I said hello and before I knew it, I had an interview the following week with Lise Saari, a research scientist in industrial/organizational psychology. That conversation led to a one-year internship and a three-year job at a research institute. After I finished my doctoral training, Lise was offered me a job back in Seattle to work for her at The Boeing Company. All of this happened because of one conversation and one phone call. A colleague of mine tells a similar story. When she was in college, one of her term papers came back with a note from the professor in the margin stating, “Don’t write like this when you go to graduate school.” Her reaction? “He thinks I can go to graduate school!” And, that little comment scrawled in the margin opened up possibilities she had never considered and changed the direction of her life.

What do I believe? I believe that inflection points happen all of the time. A new story is always waiting to emerge. We just miss most of them. Every day, the road divides and we decide which one we want to take. Susan Scott writes in her book Fierce Conversations, “While no single conversation is guaranteed to change the trajectory of a career, a business, a marriage, or a life, any single conversation can.” Change might be just around the corner.

 Now, sometimes we know we’re at a point. We ask someone to marry us, a pregnancy test comes back positive, we accept a job that will move us across the country. Sometimes the choices are small, but add up over time – do we work late or get home for dinner on time? Sometimes we know that the stakes are high. We take the leap. We proceed on faith, hoping that the future will be kind to us, and we will survive. I begin writing a book hoping that the hundreds of hours it will take aren’t wasted of time.

 Our own reflection points are important, but maybe the greatest moments are when we have the privilege of being pivotal points for others. I’m sure that you know some people in your life who are those people. I do. Remember that professor who connected me with my first internship? Remember the professor who wrote that comment about graduate school on my colleague’s paper? It  was the same person. Before you dismiss this, let me add one more fact – my colleague went to school in Illinois and I went to school in Seattle. We didn’t know each other until we met fifteen years later. The only thing in common in these two stories was the person, Doug McKenna, who connected with both of us in a way that opened new horizons in our lives.

 We all have reflection points in our lives. The question then becomes, how do we take advantage of them? Albert Bandura, a famous social psychologist, wrote a now classic article called, “The psychology of chance encounters and life paths”[1] where he made the point that we can never control the chance encounters in our lives, but we can influence how much impact that they will have on us. Two-thousand years earlier, Seneca, the Roman philosopher wrote, “Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.” Is this true? Mounting evidences suggests that it is. There aren’t many female orchestra conductors in the world, but there are a few. To find out what made the difference in their careers, researchers interviewed several of them to figure out what made the difference. They found that chance did play a role in their lives, but so did something the author called pseudoserendipity, accidentally finding something that you were seeking – where preparedness meets chance. The women who eventually became orchestra conductors were ready when opportunity presented itself. What made the difference? Strong skills, self-confidence, a willingness to take risks, hard work, a drive to succeed, optimism, social support and a bias to seek out opportunities.[2]

 Taking Action

Reflect on the pivot points in your life. What have been some of the pivotal moments in your life? Make a list of at least five of the moments in your life when everything changed. It might have been a conversation that you had, a decision you made, or a life-changing moment in your journey. Now, select two of the positive inflection points. Now, take some time to think about what made the difference – What about you allowed them to become such defining moments in your life? After all, they might not have been inflection points for someone else.

 Set yourself up for success. Look back over what you just wrote. How can you use those same skills to prepare yourself for your next big leap? Just for fun, picture a significant goal that you would like to accomplish in the next five years (a dream you would like to pursue, a new career direction, a change in your life’s priorities). How can you apply the strategies you identified above to prepare for this future opportunity? What is a small step you can take today to start moving toward that goal?

Do a little detective work. Have lunch with a couple of friends. Ask them to tell you about some of the pivotal moments in their lives. Find out what made the difference for them; that is, what prepared them so they could take advantageous of the opportunities when they emerged?

Remember the people who made a difference in your life. Who have been the people in your life who became inflection points? What did they do for you? Have you ever said thank you?

Become an inflection point for others. Think about how you can be the kind of person who makes a difference in the lives of the people who bump into you. Set aside a day and practice being that kind of person. Practice being the kind of person who Look for the potential in others. Be the kind of person who energizes and brings life to others.

                                                               

[1] Bandura, A. (1982). The psychology of chance encounters and life paths. American Psychologist, 37, 747-755.

[2] Diaz, C. L., Serendipity and pseudoserendiptity in career paths of successful women: Orchestra conductors. Creativity Research Journal, 16(2/3), 345-356. See also Williams, E. N., Soeprapto, E., Like, K., Touradji, P., Hess, S., & Hill, C. E. (1998). Perceptions of serendipity: Career paths of prominent academic women in counseling psychology. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 45. 379-389.

Telling the Truth -Dr. Paul Yost

We try so hard to feel confident and competent. But there are times in life when we need to act without knowing the consequences of our decision. We have to make a decision where we will either be brilliant or fail miserably and there is no way to tell which one will happen. This happened in my first consulting project. Now, I had never contracted or managed a consulting project on my own before. So, I did everything that seemed like the right things to do. All the books said so. I met with the client to discuss the project parameters and discussed the purpose of the project. We talked about both of our responsibilities. The meeting went very well, but the actual deliverables at the end were still a little fuzzy. I finished the meeting by asking the project sponsor to send me a brief outline of what she would like in the final report. Then, she asked me to calculate the number of hours the project would take so she could set up the purchase order for the work.

 A few days later, the sample report arrived. It contained several passages like the following:

 [In this project,] I would really like to solidify the list of outcomes along with artifacts and related vital behaviors. .. Normally, the identification of exemplary performance involves interviews, observations, and analysis of people performing at various levels…. Those techniques are structured around an “accomplishment-based” philosophy.  We call them here outcomes and artifacts as instantiations of outcomes.  That philosophy seeks to determine what accomplishments, or outputs of value, most contribute to star performance.   This is important for us as we believe we know what [the] outcomes are.  You have it in docs we sent you and in career model.  I am not asking you to do a validation research study per se, but we need to validate the outcomes when we analyze behaviors.

 Huh? As you might guess, this didn’t lead to the clarity that I was looking for.  So, I thought I would just throw something together and send it to her for comment. I would just make it part of the continuing conversation. However,, every time I sat down to write, I found that I was paralyzed. I couldn’t seem to get anything down on paper. I kept putting it off, until two days later when my wife greeted me at the door that night and told me that the project manager had called and said she would try to call my cell phone. My cell phone was off. I turned it on. Before the cell even booted up, our home phone ring. It was the project manager. She starts, “Really sorry to bother you at home, but I’m writing up the budget request right now. All I need to know is how much the project going to cost so I can get that in. You don’t have to give me the complete breakdown, just give me some hours and that would be fine.”  [At this point I’m thinking, “I can’t give her the hours. This sounds dangerous. Would a real consultant do this? No, I think they would push back…”]

 I answered, “I’m hesitant to guess. I don’t know right now. I can tell you tomorrow when I have finalized the statement of work.” [What I didn’t say was, “I’m hesitant to guess because I’ve never done this before. I really, really, really don’t want to get it wrong.”].

 “But I’m finalizing it tonight. Just think of this as the first of many projects with us.” she says. [At this point I’m thinking that I know it should be okay and she is contracting me on this project as a way to get started. The company likes me. The contract person likes me. Deep down I do trust her and it’s probably not that big of deal, but I don’t really know the hours. I should have done it over the last two days… stupid, stupid, stupid… but the choice was still there: Should I just roll up the numbers over the phone and manage the project expectations accordingly or should I insist on a formal proposal tomorrow? It’s not that big of a deal, I think to myself. I’ll just roll it up even though that’s not what a real consultant would do… stupid, stupid, stupid. I should have rolled up the numbers yesterday….]

 So, I gave her my best estimate of the hours it would take to interview people to write up the results, and create a set of recommendations. When I was done, it came to about 50 hours.  There was a long pause.

 ”Really?” she says. [“Oh no,” I thought. “Now I’ve gone WAY over budget and shocked her.”]

  “Is that too much?” I say.

 ”That’s nothing,” she says. “Let me put you down for 100.”

 And, I say fine. [And I’m thinking, “Well, that didn’t go very well. Now, she now knows what an amateur I am. Maybe I should have insisted that she wait until the next day!”]

 I hung up the phone, and I sat down to my dinner, and stared at my plate. I didn’t eat anything. My wife asks, “You’re still thinking about the phone call, aren’t you?” and I say yes.

 [The truth was that this client really did want to work with me and it should have been okay, but I was worried because I know how projects can grow. I don’t overwork myself but establish clear expectations of what I can and can’t do so, if it comes to it, I can ask for more money if the project increases in scope. I don’t know how to begin to do this…. And this is my first time, and this is big so I better get it right! I had to step into the unknown, not knowing the answers to some of the most important question. If I got it right, I would be fine. If I got it wrong, I will have to work twice as hard to make it happen.]

 The next day, I decided I might as well tell the truth and write a note to the client because I clearly wasn’t doing a very good job of hiding my naiveté.  So I came clean with my worries and misgivings,

 “I promise to have a draft Statement of Work and research design in advance of our next conversation. The struggle I’m having is that this could be a really big or really simple project and the deliverables could be too simple (with you thinking, “That’s what we already thought!”) or too detailed to be useful. With your permission, I’d like to send you a draft SOW and draft interview questions and a sample report as working documents with the expectation that you’ll tear them apart as appropriate and together we’ll get something good and useful. (The perfectionist in me is kicking in).”

 And with that e-mail, it felt like I was throwing myself into free-fall. Either it would be seen as honest and humble or it would be seen as weak and pathetic. There was no way to know. A day later, the reply came,

 “Tell that perfectionist of yours they have to take a hike… er, a vacation!  Don’t agonize about deliverable.  Think of depth versus scope, insight versus data, accuracy versus precision.  Think of it as the first step in series of analytical steps, anywhere from research to business intelligence. This is going to be great! I told the general manager that you were onboard and he was thrilled.  Now, start the business of your own!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 What a great ending! However, the reply could have been very different. It could have been very negative. What ultimately made the difference was that I was just too tired to keep pretending.

 So the question remains, how do you throw yourself into the unknown?

 In Romans 8:26-27 (NIV), the Apostle Paul writes:

 “…the Sprit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Sprit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.”

 What a great promise! I can trust God (the Holy Spirit) to communicate and interpret for God on my behalf. I don’t have to be perfect. God is arguing with Himself on my behalf! Gosh, if God gives me that kind of a break in our relationship, how much more will He help me in daily life?

 Better yet, the Holy Spirit takes what I ask and converts it into what I really need.  I can begin to imagine what those prayers sounded like.

 During the phone call, 

I was praying…	The Holy Spirit was saying…
Help me not to sound like an idiot…	Help Paul to see himself as a work in progress and help him to know that’s okay…
I pray that no one else will find out how much I’m winging it. Help no one else to find out…	Help give Paul the courage to share this with his class at school and with people in church on Sunday. Thank you for making him strong in his weakness and able to help those who struggle as well.
Help me to just shut up, quit criticizing myself and just get on with it.	Help him to feel okay with the process. Help him to see this isn’t really all that big of deal in the grand scheme of things.
Help me to do it right…	Help him to learn from it and take comfort and joy in it and share it along the way.
Help me to make sure I spend time with my family and not get too caught up in this.	Help him to spend time with his family and not get too caught up in this.

 And so we all are made strong in our weaknesses.

 Reflections

 Take a few minutes to think about the things that you are struggling with today. Where do you feel incompetent and uncomfortable? Where are you beating yourself up? Divide a piece a paper into two columns. In the left-hand column, write down what you are praying to God. Be honest with yourself. Write the truth; not what you think you should write, but the truth. After all, you don’t have to tell anyone and you can shred the paper when you are done. Now, in the right-hand column, write what you think the Holy Spirit might be saying to God. Remember, this is someone who knows you really well and is on your side. The Holy Spirit is interpreting your longings and praying on your behalf to God. This is the Holy Spirit who is also called the Comforter. What does He say? Now, your task for the rest of the day is to remember these words and live into them. Then, listen to what God says back through His interpreter – the Comforter.

WHO Do YOU Think You Are Anyway? -Dr. Rob McKenna

A few weeks back, my wife Jackie and I were watching the US Open golf tournament.  I don’t play golf very well, but I love to watch golf sometimes…mostly because it makes me feel like I’m on vacation because of all the grass, beaches,  palm trees, and ponds that look like swimming pools.  Anyway, we had actually been watching for about an hour, and had begun to witness what we had seen so many times before…Tiger Woods coming after playing poorly earlier in the week.  At one point, I looked at Jackie and said, “It’s amazing how many times he’s done this.  I mean, he has this uncanny ability to hit the right shots when it counts……Amazing!”  We watched him once again come back all the way to the last hole where he was shooting to force a playoff the next day.  We were both on the edge of our seats watching.  Then, he sinks a 30 foot putt to force the playoff, and the crowd got absolutely nuts.  We were both floored, and again I said, “It’s UNCANNY honey, he does this every time.  I feel like I’ve seen him do this over and over again!”  And then one moment later the coverage broke away to a still camera on an empty golf course with rain falling in the background, and a voice said, “And we’re back live during the rain delay at the 2009 US Open.  We hope you enjoyed our coverage of the Tiger Woods comeback at the 2008 Open.”  Yes, we were watching last year’s tournament, and yes, we did watch it together last yearL 

There are so many questions about identity that this raises for me.  First, is my identity, the sum of my experiences, my accomplishments, or even one major success or failure?  If so, what does my experience with the US Open tell me about me?  To what extent do other people impact who I am?  If I make a foolish mistake in front of other people, does that make me a fool?  Is the label I place on myself or the labels placed on me by others the sum total of who I am?  If I’m Michael Jackson, is who I am “the king of pop?”  If I’m Farrah Fawcet, is who I am the woman in the red bathing suit or the Angel who left before the first season was over?  Is that who I am?  Even though much of what I’ve experienced may or may not be true? 

Identity is so important to us that we have an entire racket called “identity theft.”  And just think of the last time you heard someone say, “who do you think you are anyway?”  The fact is that your identity matters.  It matters because it ultimately impacts what you do.  So, I’d like you to consider three questions.

 

1.  Who are you – Be honest, what labels do you put on yourself, both good and not so good?  Just make a list of the top 10 labels you put on yourself and throw in a few that some trusted others put on you.
2. What are you most afraid of losing? – In what ways does fear have a hold on your identity and charting the course for your life?
3. Whose are you? – To whom do you belong?  Who are you associated with?  To what extent are you so concerned about what other people think that you have lost yourself? 
4. What label would God put on you? – If your Creator came up to you and whispered your name in your ear and said, “[insert your name], you are                          .  What would God say?  If God said, you are acceptable, you are valuable, you are forgivable, you are loved, could you believe it?  If you believed it, what difference could that make?

Rebellion- Dr.Paul Yost

One of the rules in my fifth grade class was that anyone who falls back in their chair will lose it for the day. This, of course, triggered all sorts of questions in the heart of one eleven-year-old boy, “What would happen if everybody fell over in their chairs on the same day? How would a teacher be able to punish the whole class? Would all the chairs even fit behind the teacher’s desk?” The next day, believe it or not, that very thing happened. First Kelly Cook lost his chair, then Paul Yost fell over in his chair, then everybody but one person in Mr. Olson’s fifth grade class had their chairs topple over before lunchtime. It turned out, if the chairs were stacked on top of each other, all of them did fit behind the teacher’s desk and the whole class could be punished. In fact, the next day when we arrived back at school ready to retrieve our chairs we met a teacher who said that there were still some lessons to be learned about safety. Two weeks later, our chairs were finally returned after everyone had composed an essay about the significant dangers of leaning back in one’s chair. But oh the power that we all felt over those ten days was worth it!

Sometimes we just have to rebel. We shout with our actions – we find our voice. This isn’t the kind of rebellion that is meant to hurt other people. This is rebellion that says we have a choice, we have control, we decide. Just when people think we are boring and predictable, we can choose to follow a different path.

Sometimes, we just have to push the boundaries to assert who we are the world. In his book, Crossing the Unknown Sea, the poet David Whyte writes,

“To live with courage in any work or in any organization, we must know intimately the part of us that does not give a damn about the organization or the work….With a healthy outlaw approach, we are outside the laws of predicable cause and effect and inside the intensity of creative originality. We have a gleam in our eye; we look to the edges of things; no one really knows what we are up to. We see with the eyes of those who do not quite below. We are dangerous again, and glad to be so.”

Psychologists through the decades have reflected on the human need for self-determination. Other research has consistently shown the advantages of having a sense of agency and control. So, take a few minutes and consider where you might want to assert your will, to find your voice, maybe for no other reason than it sounds like fun. It may require you to break a few rules that need to be broken, to dance your own dance, or sing along to a favorite song no matter who is watching in the car next to you. It might require a little bit of risk, a little bit of stupidity.

 When I was a rebel. Reflect back on some of the times early in your life when you were a rebel—not to hurt people—but to exert your own voice.

Shock & awe. Just once this week, say out loud what everyone else is thinking but no one is courageous enough to say out loud. See what happens.

Break a little glass every day. I worked with an executive who made this one of his personal mantras. For him, it meant making sure he wasn’t just going along with the crowd. He was willing to speak the truth as he saw it.

Take back your day. One day this month, clear your calendar. Spend the day on the most important things at work and let the daily fires take care of themselves, just this once. For bonus points, make sure this is day where you skip at least one meeting where people won’t miss you. After all, we miss work all of the time when we are sick and somehow the organization survives without us. Yet, we never give ourselves permission to take a day to focus on the things that really matter in our jobs and lives. What would happen if you did?

Say no. Find something that you won’t do this week. Practice saying no. How did it feel?

Take a day to play. If you have kids, take one day this year to wake them up early in the morning to spend a special day with you. You won’t do it regularly, but this one day might just create a memory that lasts long into the future.

 

[1] Whyte, D. (2001). Crossing the unknown sea: Work as a pilgrimage of identity. New York: Riverhead Books.

[1] Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1985). Intrinsic motivation and self determination in human behavior. New Yourk: Plenaum Press.

[1] See Bandura, A. (1982). Self-efficacy mechanism in human agency. American Psychologist, 27, 122-147. See also Ng, T. W. H., Sorensen, K. L., & Eby, L. T. (2006). Locus of control at work: A meta-analysis. Journal of Organizational Behavior, 27, 1057-1087. 

[1] Whyte, D. (2001). Crossing the unknown sea: Work as a pilgrimage of identity. New York: Riverhead Books.

[1] Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1985). Intrinsic motivation and self determination in human behavior. New Yourk: Plenaum Press.

[1] See Bandura, A. (1982). Self-efficacy mechanism in human agency. American Psychologist, 27, 122-147. See also Ng, T. W. H., Sorensen, K. L., & Eby, L. T. (2006). Locus of control at work: A meta-analysis. Journal of Organizational Behavior, 27, 1057-1087.

Pain and Your Brain- Dr. Rob McKenna

Today I’m heading in for a two level spinal fusion….for anyone who’s interested…it’s a fusion at L4-L5 and L5-S1. While it may seem extreme, I’m pretty excited about it. A good friend of mine had a similar procedure 2 weeks ago, so I’ve had a chance to learn from him and also watch him maintain his own spirits as he gets better.
Even though I hate taking a surgical option, I’ve learned so much along the way. Here are a few of those lessons.
1. Make sure you invest in other people, especially when you body or your brain is telling you it’s all about you. So many people have invested in me, even people who didn’t know me that well. Some have prayed, some have mowed my lawn, some have just made the time to ask how I’m doing. Amazing people…I want to be more like them.
2. Our bodies will fail us. I have never been more aware of the fact that my soul resides in a body that is, and will, fail me over time. This isn’t a grim reality, just a reality.
3. My wife is unbelievable. I love her more today than I ever have. She’s scary great. She loves me in spite of my little stupid things, and she is such an amazing mom.
4. My boys are becoming little men. This morning I had the chance to tell them that they are the men of the house while daddy’s in the hospital next week. They have taken the charge and get it. (we’ll see about that one…they are 6 and 7).
5. My friends are generous and my friendships to them are deep. I am blessed. They have my back.
6. It’s hard to take things from people when they offer help. Not because it’s so hard, but because sometimes the help offered creates more work…..most of the time it doesn’t, but you know what I mean. It’s complicated. We all just need to help each other more and be fine if we can’t too.
7. I have a great job. I just do. For as long as I have it, I have a great job that is made up of people who you just want to be around.
8. God is good. He just is.

I’m so excited to be on the other side of this. Back pain has been a part of my reality for 20 years (unbelievable). That’s not a sob story, it’s just a reality. I don’t know anything different. It’s going to be good.

Rob

Provocative Questions- Dr. Paul Yost

For this blog, I decided to step back and ask myself a bigger question,

 “If I could only have one blog entry on motivation,

what is the one thing I would want to pass on to others?”

 So this is it—this, I think, is about the best that I have. I think that everyone should have a short list of 5-10 powerful questions they can ask themselves every day. They don’t need to ask all of them every day, but they should choose at least one every morning.

 Here’s the thing—they can’t be just any questions because all questions are not created equal. In my experience, the most motivating questions tend to be appreciative inquiry questions; that is, they trigger possibility, optimism, and energy.[1] Really good appreciative inquiry questions don’t ignore difficulty, but they focus on the possibility on the other side. Life is possibility to live into, not a problem to be solved. They talk about difficulties, but focus on what you can draw upon within yourself to navigate through the situation.

 Here are the ten questions on my list:

• What did I do well yesterday?
• What is my purpose today? What purpose is trying to find me?
• What are the strengths I can leverage?
• What are the weaknesses I need to compensate for and how will I do this today?
• What would I do if I wasn’t afraid?
• What truth am I blurring?
• What I’d really like to say is….
• What I’m scared to say is….
• What would be really freeing to say is…

 I don’t ask all of the questions every day, but choose one or two each morning. I also pull the list up when I’m feeling scattered or need some focus in my life. They seem to cut through the chatter and noise. They ground me.  

 To create your own list of provocative questions, one thing I would suggest is that you read people who know how to ask a really good question, one that cuts to the very heart of your identity and leaves you excited to live that truth. Two books that do that for me are The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron (1992) and The Answer to How is Yes by Peter Block (2002). I’m sure there are others.

 There are five criteria that will be helpful as you think about your list provocative questions.[2] Look for questions that:

• Focus on possibility: If the answers could be fully actualized, would you want them?
• Are grounded: Does the question elicit examples from the past that make the ideal future as a real possibility?
• Focus on the affirmative: Is the question stated in affirmative and bold terms?
• Are provocative: Does it stretch, challenge, or interrupt the status quo?
• Focus learning and growth: Doe it focus on how you are changing and development over time? Does it stimulate insight and learning?

 Below is a list of questions that I have collected over the years from various sources. Some will be powerful catalysts for you; others won’t. Look for the 5-7 questions that are most powerful for you. These will be the questions that excite you and put you at the edge of yourself at exactly the same time.  You’re likely to say to yourself, “Okay, if I’m honest with myself, here is the real truth that actually is a little painful to admit. So, how come I also feel more energy?” One word of caution, as you are putting together your list, make sure you ignore any questions you think should be on your list; only include the ones you want on your list.

• What would I do if I wasn’t afraid?
• What crossroads am I at right now?
• If I was smarter than I am, what would I do?
• What unsolicited offers of help or unexpected opportunities may be presenting themselves to me right now that I am discounting or missing?
• What is so worthwhile, that it is worth doing poorly today?
• What do I love about my life? What do I hate about my life?
• What advice would my “older and wiser self” give me right now?
• If God was too good to be true, what would He say to me right now?
• If there was no risk of failure, what would I try?
• If I could change anything about my life right now, where would I start?
• If my life were a book, what would be the theme? What are the lessons I would weave into the story to pass on to others?
• What is one thing that I would have liked to have accomplished in my life by now?
• What are ten things I am tired of tolerating?
• Interview 3 friends; ask them, “What am I good at (especially the things that you think I don’t seem to admit to myself)?” Now what would happen if you accepted these as strengths?
• What are 25 things that I am grateful for today?
• In 20 years, what would be one of the most powerful things I could say about the next two decades looking back over them? What will I want to remember about today?
• What is something that I need to “let go” or stop doing?
• How do I sabotage myself and my plans?
• What is the core factor that gives vitality to my life – the one thing without which it would not be the same?
• What gifts and dreams are below the surface in my life that just might blossom into something extraordinary if I allowed myself to be more vulnerable?
• If I received no compliments or acknowledgements of appreciation from people today, where would I find my value?
• What if, instead of trying to find my purpose, I thought about letting my purpose find me? What purpose is trying to find me in my life right now?
• What question, if I knew the answer, would set me free? (from Block, 2002)

 Feel free to use the comments section to include some of your own questions and/or any book recommendations you might have!

 

 

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[1] Cooperrider, D. L., Whitney, D., & Stavros, J. M. (2008). Appreciative inquiry handbook: For leaders of change (2nd Edition). Brunswick, OH : Crown Custom Publishing, Inc. ; San Francisco, CA : BK, Berrett-Koehler.

[2] Some of these are my criteria but also see Watkins, J. M., & Mohr, B. J. (2001). Appreciative inquiry: Change at the speed of imagination. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass/Pfeiffer. See p. 141.

What “Rules” Do You Live Your Life By? -Dr. Rob McKenna

 Sailing is such a powerful metaphor. When I was a kid, my dad and I would sail on a lake called Lake Chelan in a boat called a bumblebee. The boat was probably only about 10 fee long, yellow (surprise, with the a name like bumblebee) but it was fun. When the winds would come up, that little boat could really move. My dad loves to sail, and he taught me so much about sailing, the wind, and how to navigate that little boat in the toughest of waters. The boat had a removable keel, or daggerboard. The keel is the wing that stick out through the bottom of sailboats that keep the boat from tipping over when it’s leaning over. While it’s not a rudder (the thing at the back of the boat that steers the boat, it’s function is to keep the boat upright and stable when moving quickly through the water. The challenge with that little boat was that the keel didn’t have anything to keep it down, so when the waters got rougher and the wind got stronger, it would start to float up through the middle of the boat. When that happened, the boat was completely unstable and flipped on us more than once.

 I sometimes ask my clients to consider their guiding principles, or the principles that guide them through life. After I ask them to identify them, I’ll often ask them to go to someone that knows them well and ask them what they see as their guiding principles. The funny thing is that the principles we often describe as a those that guide us are often different from the principles that other people see guiding us. Going back to the bumblebee, sometimes our self proclaimed guiding principles are more like the “bumblebee” printed on the side of the sailboat that actual principles. What we print on the side of the boat may look good, but it really doesn’t say much about the stability of the boat itself. The keel, although hidden, is a much better example of the guiding principle of our lives. While it isn’t seen most of the time and doesn’t’ actually tell us anything about where we are going (like the rudder), it is the thing that keeps us upright in the toughest of storms.

 What is your keel? What would someone close to you identify as your keel, or your guiding principles? Are they the same. Do your guiding principles keep floating up through the middle of your boat, failing to give you any consistency and stability in tough times. Think about it, your principles are your keel. Getting them firmly in place will help you know where to stand and how to move forward with some consistency and predictability, even when everything else around you might be out of control.

What are your guiding principles, and how did they different from those described by someone else? What did you have in common?

A Knuckleball Economy- Dr. Joey Collins

As the “boys of summer” take the field and I find yet another reason to enjoy the view out my Hi-deffffff 1080p digital window. I am amazed that I can actually read “Rawlings” on a Wakefield knuckleball; (http://www.flickr.com/photos/waldoj/126354436/). As you see it is thrown from the finger tips and not the knuckles. As with great inventions, the knuckleball pitch has a number of fathers. The pitcher most associated with its’ use in the majors was Eddie “Knuckles” Cicotte who played from 1905 to 1920. According to baseball lore Ciotte began using his knuckles and switched to the finger tips for better performance. Good thing given what his namesake could have been.

When thrown well the knuckleball has little if any spin thus creating vortices over parts, usually the seams, of the ball resulting in the ball changing directions, including corkscrew, as it travels to the catcher’s mitt. If the pitcher is on, the batter, catcher, and umpire for that matter, level of difficulty increases significantly making the ball near impossible to hit, difficult to catch, and call for balls and strikes. When a knuckleball pitcher is off it can be a short outing for him and batting practice along with a speed workout for the opposition.

As I think of the challenges organizations, teams and individuals face these days, I believe those who have experienced a well thrown knuckleball have wisdom for us all.

“You don’t catch a knuckleball, you defend against it.” ― Dodger manager and former catcher Joe Torre Application – Anticipate where you need to be to receive business because it is not going to come to you in the same way as it has in the past. Worse yet, if you miss an opportunity it may result in advancing your competition.

“I never worry about it. I just take my three swings and go sit on the bench. I’m afraid if I ever think about hitting it, I’ll mess up my swing for life.” ― All-star first baseman Dick Allen Application – Do not let the economy dictate your response rather make the best decision you can at the time and move on.

“I always thought the knuckleball was the easiest pitch to catch. Wait till it stops rolling, then go to the backstop and pick it up.” ― broadcaster and former catcher Bob Ueker Application – Humor is an effective coping mechanism, particularly in stressful times.

“There are two theories on hitting a knuckleball. Unfortunately, neither of them works.” ― famed hitting coach Charlie Lau Application – Conventional wisdom may be of little value in complicated situations.

 ”If it’s high, let it fly. If it’s low, let it go.” ―Common saying describing how to approach hitting the knuckleball. Application – Have a plan and know the opposition has a say in the outcome.

“For a knuckleballer, a pitch count of 150 is not a problem – unless it’s the first inning.” ― Dave Clark, author of The Knucklebook Application – Versatility is underrated and strengths can be overrated.

 ”Hitting Phill Niekro’s knuckleball is like eating soup with a fork.” ― Riche Hebner Application – It will take more effort, focus and patience to receive the same or even lower, gains than in the past.

“Knuckleballs suck.” ― Gen Petralli after giving up four passed balls in one inning “nough said”

Two Steps Forward, Three Steps Back-Dr. Paul Yost

 

We had our alumni get together a couple of weeks ago. The topic we discussed was, “How are you a different person than you were two years ago?” It was a great time to catch up with each other and hear what everybody was doing. Halfway through the conversation turned to the economy and the tough situation that so many businesses and people are facing these days. The conversation centered on the topic, “What do you do when life feels like two steps forward and three steps back?”  How do you hold onto yourself? Below are some of the insights that emerged during our night together. The wording isn’t exact, but I tried to catch the spirit.  I have followed this with my own blog and expanded thoughts on this topic.

 

·         I have faith that I am loved by God no matter what I’m doing. My value ultimately isn’t based on a job, but that I’m loved by God.

·         I admit my emotions and what I am feeling, no matter what they are, and I give myself permission to feel whatever it is.

·         It helps to have a hobby or distraction where I can totally lose myself. It might be singing or training for my dog. Those are the moments that provide a break, a respite, balance.

·         Being vulnerable and raw allows me to share more with others. I ask myself, “What can I do at this time in my life? Can I do pro bono work? Can I volunteer at a shelter?” I think about the opportunities I have and can seize right now.

·         When you’re in-between jobs, you don’t have an agenda for my day unless you set one for yourself. So, I make sure I have created structure in my day. What are the goals that I want to set for myself today? I want to create my own sense of accomplishment. I reward myself for putting myself out there. I give myself credit – I am calling and meeting with people! I am thankful that I only have myself to take care of. I don’t have a family depending on me like other people do.

·         It is not giving up control to others. Some people will be laid off at my workplace, but I won’t spend my time worrying about it. That gives the power to the situation, to the organization. I focus on what I can control. My What can I do to make a difference with the reduced resources that I have in my job? What can I do to develop myself?

·         Misery loves company. Sometimes people who are down feel threatened by your courage to take risks. One comments, “Wow, this is a bad time for you to start a business.” People don’t always want to see you take risks. I focus on community not competition – I remind myself that everyone has their own path. I’m not in competition with the people around me. I trust God that we all will end up in the right place. My path is different than other people’s path. I’m not in competition with them.

·         Ultimately, for me, it comes down to trust in God, trusting that He is watching out for me and in control.

 

Heaven knows we all have times when life feels like two steps forward, three steps back. Hopefully, they don’tcome very often.

 

You push,  fight, struggle, persist. You try to do all the right things and, at the end of the day or week or year, realize that you are further from your goal than when you started. You are ready to launch a new program in the company and your VP “informs you” that three more committees need to review it before it can be launched. You read over the paper you are ready to turn in or the journal article you are ready to submit one final time just to make sure you caught everything. Halfway through, and ten changes later, you realize, if you are honest with yourself, that it needs to be completely reorganized and rewritten. Two steps forward, three steps back.

 

Lewis and Clark took over two years to complete their expedition. This was a trip filled with obstacles. One of the phrases that regularly recurs in Meriwether Lewis’ journal was, “and we proceeded on” usually after a time of great frustration when the rest of us would have written, “we realized how really crazy this whole trip was so we turned around and headed for home.  God bless us one and all.” One of these moments occurred when the expedition reached the headwaters of the Missouri. Lewis climbed to the top of the mountain, expecting to see the Columbia start on the other side. Instead, they saw the Rocky Mountains stretching endlessly into the distance. There was no easy path. The historians John Logan Allen and Stephen Ambrose note what an incredible disappointment this must have been.[i] We can only guess what Lewis was thinking, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was, “Two steps forward, three steps back.”

 

But what if one of the things that ultimately separates the people who reach their goals from the ones who don’t is the tenacity to keep pushing forward, to persist through the times when it feels like no progress is being made. Maybe the refusal to give up is what makes the difference. Of course, that begs the next question: What allows people to persist when it feels like they are wasting their time and losing ground?

 

Being passionate about your work helps. Doing something that you love to do always makes it easier to get through the tougher times. But this can’t be the full story. There are areas in my life that are really important where passion alone doesn’t even begin to get me through. I submit a journal article. and it is rejected. All my passion deserts me as I read the rejection letter. Likewise, passion seldom helps me out when I’m in the middle of the journey. Writing my dissertation certainly felt that way. I had lost all passion several months earlier. And there I was sitting at my computer determined to finish it and having very little motivation to keep going. I spent at least one day sitting in front of the computer screen with a grand two paragraphs to show when the sun had finally set.

 

Salvatore Maddi and his colleagues have devoted several years studying the attitudes and behaviors that make people hardy and resilient. Three attitudes appear to be particularly important:[ii]

·         Commitment – to be involved with people, things, and contexts rather than be detached, isolated, or alienated

·         Control – struggling to have an influence on the outcomes going on around you rather than sinking into passivity and powerlessness

·         Challenge – the desire to learn continually from your experience, whether positive or negative, rather than playing it safe by avoiding uncertainties and potential threats

 

Maddi’s research team has also identified five skills that are important in building hardiness. These include relaxation, nutrition, physical activity, social support, and coping (looking at your whole life from a broader perspective and understanding and not getting stuck in the moment, then using this to take action).

 

Another researcher, Carol Ryff, has identified six dimensions that are related to psychological well-being, providing strength and resilience in people’s lives. They are a sense of autonomy and control, a focus on personal growth, self-acceptance, a sense of purpose, mastery of some skills, and positive relatedness to others (being connected with other people).[iii]

 

So, based on this advice, if your life feels like two steps forward and three steps, consider the following.

 

Consider yourself a work in progress. We will all go through difficult times in our lives and this is one of those times for you. It’s probably not the first, and it certainly won’t be the last. Take a minute to reflect back on a tough earlier time in your life when it felt like two steps forward three steps back. Junior High might a good place to start or maybe when you were looking for your first job. Remember that person you used to be? You were probably a little naïve or foolish or overconfident, but well-intentioned. Chances are that you did the best with what you had. What got you through this time and other tough in your past? What helped you continue to move forward when it didn’t feel like you were making any progress? What made the difference? How were you a different person on the other side? Now, move forward in time. Chances are that you are currently just learning as you go. So, give yourself a break. Give yourself the same compassion that you are willing to give that awkward 12-year-old that you used to be. And remember that you will be a better person (and a wiser and hopefully more compassionate one) on the other side.

 

Let the refining fire do its work. The words of Thomas Paine 200 years ago might be a great summary of your life right now, “These are the times that try men’s souls.” People sometimes emerge from these kinds of experiences better off. Other people emerge unchanged or even worse off. There are no guarantees. So, who are you becoming in the midst of this experience? How do you see the world differently? How do you see other people differently?

 

Look for the possibilities that are present right now. Don’t let yourself get caught only focusing on the other side of this time (e.g., “how you will be a better person, blah, blah, blah).  We can get so caught up in simply trying to wait out and endure the current situation that we miss how powerful these moments can be in our lives in and of themselves. What are the opportunities that are presenting themselves to you—right now?!  For example, what are the volunteer activities you can do that are available to you today? Who are the people you can reach out to right now? You are much more likely to see frustration, hurt, and disappointment in others right now. Think about the opportunities you have to impact the people around you because you are in the middle of the struggle. People might be a little more likely to find comfort in your words because you are struggling too. Consider how much less impact the same words might have if you spoke them when everything was going well in your life.

 

Focus on what you can control. There’s so much in our lives that is outside of our control – the economy, what is happening in the organization where we work, and the people around us to name only a few. Focusing on what you can control doesn’t deny these realities. It is instead focusing your energy on the things where you effort might actually matter. It is asking yourself: in this situation, what battles are worth fighting? Which ones do I need to let go? How can U build small wins into my life so I feel a sense of accomplishment? Getting through the tough times means focusing on the next bend in the trail, getting through this next leg in the journey. Taking control means refusing to focus all of your attention on what other people are doing to you. That gives the power to the them and to the situation. Instead, focus on who you want to be in this situation. It is asking, “What can I do?” knowing it might not be much, but it sure beats feeling like a complete victim. The difference is subtle, but oh so important!

 

Find your support network. Who feeds you? Find the people in your life who can walk along side you. Maybe the reason that the Lewis and Clark expedition made it to the Pacific and back was because there were two of them (a whole team for that matter). Support doesn’t have to be one way. Chances are that you will support and strengthen each other!

 

Eat healthy and exercise. Take care of yourself so you have the strength to push through the tough times.  You only feel as good as the food that you eat; and, heaven knows, you need to burn off all that extra stress! Better yet, find a friend who will come along so you can double your resiliency strategies!

 

Appreciate the small things in your life. Find something that reminds you how good life can be. Learn to play the harmonica. Go hiking. Play catch with your kids. Read a book that takes you away. Use the activities as a reward for yourself at the end of the day. After all that work, you deserve a little time to yourself. It helps totally lose yourself in an activity.

 

Remember that we see through a glass darkly. There is a good chance that you will have the opportunity to share these stories in the future. They might start out, “You think you have it bad?! When I was…” I have a prediction. I’m willing to bet that at some point in the future, God is going to use the things you experienced during this time in your life to somehow help other people.

 

After I finished my Masters degree in graduate school, I decided to get an internship. No openings or even leads were immediately available. So I found a listing of the top 100 employers in the area and started sending out letters and resumes then followed them up with phone calls two weeks later. Every day, I sat by the phone and psyched myself up. “All I have to do is make 20 calls today. Then I can do something to reward myself.” Those were some of the most painful days of graduate school (maybe even worse than those dissertation writing days). Looking for a job is probably the hardest work that we ever do and we don’t even get paid for it. Fortunately, the story ends well. Six weeks later, I had seven informational interviews and two job offers. Did I like going through all of that instead of walking into a job? Absolutely not! However, I find myself teaching students these days who have to make the same kinds of phone call after they graduate. I could, of course, give a lot of advice and lecture on how to find a job.[iv] Telling about those hideous, difficult days however seems to be a lot more important. It’s probably that hungry, desperate look I get in my eye when I relate the story. So, was it worth going through that dreadful job search experience? Absolutely! And it only took fifteen years for me to learn why.

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[i] Allen, J. L. Summer of decision: Lewis and Clark in Montana, 1805. We Proceeded On, 8(4), 10. Ambrose, S. E. (1996). Undaunted courage. New York: Simon & Schuster.

[ii] Maddi, S. (2002).The story of hardiness: Twenty years of theorizing, research and practice. Consulting Psychology Journal: Practice and Research, 54(3), 175-185.

[iii] Ryff CD, Keyes CLM. 1995. The structure of psychological well-being revisited. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 69, 719–727.

[iv] I/O psychologists have done some great research on what actually predicts job search success, See (1) Saks, A. M. (2005). Job search success: A review and integration of the predictors, behaviors, and outcomes. In Career Development and Counseling: Putting Theory and Research to Work (Steven D. Brown & Robert W. Lent, Eds.) , pp. 155-179. Hoboken, NJ, US: John Wiley & Sons Inc. (2) Saks, A. M. (2005). Multiple predictors and criteria of job search success. Journal of Vocational Behavior, 68, 400-415. And (3) Wanberg, C. R., Glomb, T. M., Song, Z, & Sorenson, S. (2005). Job search persistence during unemployment: A 10-wave longitudinal study. Journal of Applied Psychology, 90, 411-430.